About six months before my husband’s disclosure, he began to see a counselor. I remember not fully understanding or knowing why he was going, but realizing there was probably more to it than his generalized explanation, though it was scary I decided to trust and pray. I prayed that the “behind the scenes work” happening would be just what he needed, and that when and if I would enter the story, it would be at the right time.

When I found out about my husband’s sexual struggles and some of the behaviors that came with it, I was shaken to the core. I didn’t understand. How could someone I trusted with my whole heart betray me so deeply? My mind reeled with how he was able to walk in the door and face me amidst the secret he was carrying. I remember the pivotal moment deciding whether I would walk the road of healing with him or wondering if it was too much. He encouraged me to come with him to see Brian in hopes of better understanding the journey he had been walking. I agreed…Best Decision I’ve ever made.

Our journey with Brian was pivotal for our marriage. We walked in soon after coming face to face with the pain of betrayal. Could our marriage survive the destruction of pornography and addiction? A few words come to mind when reflecting on this transformational time: curiosity, grace, and hope. Brian modeled a curiosity for each of our individual stories that in turn showed us how to develop the kind of intimacy that involved asking each other good (often hard) questions. We also came to know the deeply challenging but transformative heart of showing grace when we realize the brokenness of ourselves and our partner. Coming into this, I had not intended on the humble journey of discovering my own dark places and the way they’d influenced my relationships, especially the one with my husband. As the interweaving of these things began to take place, the Lord replaced some of the anger and confusion I was carrying for my husband, with compassion and understanding.

Perhaps the most beautiful part of our journey was the unexpected, and overwhelming re-shaping of our faith. Through one of the deepest valleys our marriage has seen, there came a sense of renewed hope. We came to know the transforming power of unconditional love and acceptance from our Father. Even as we stood (and still stand) completely exposed in our brokenness and betrayal, we receive His embrace. Our best example of grace is just that. This gives us overwhelming hope. Our marriage was revived and will continue to grow because of this hope.

Calls were made, and appointments were scheduled. When the first appointment came, and we met Brian, he was very helpful and honest from day one. He was never judgmental or one-sided. I can’t say I personally engaged much at first. Regardless, Brian was always very patient and kind.

As time went by, personal struggles from the past came up and I started to become aware of how much these issues were affecting our marriage and personal lives. For my entire life, I had hidden my secrets of childhood abuse deep within thinking that if I kept it secret it would someday magically go away, and joy would return into my life. My personal struggles included being sexually abused as a child, along with neglect, mental abuse, and physical abuse. It was so terrifying to name it! The shame, guilt, and hatred for myself had become more than I could deal with and I refused to acknowledge it to myself let alone to another person. In a marriage, self-contempt and undealt with traumas can be absolutely devastating. And that’s just my half, my spouse also has her past as well.

I feel Brian keyed in on several issues from our past and in our marriage very early on in our counseling. I had not said a word about the real issues of my past at this point in our journey. He always remained very courteous, never pushy or outspoken, but always direct and honest. At a certain point I couldn’t hold it in anymore physically or mentally. My past added to current life stressors and it just became too much to stomach. Brian recognized this and over time we counseled alone. As I was able to name issues from the past and see them for what they were–the shame, guilt, and self-hate became manageable.

Brian is like a guide that’s full of knowledge, he goes at your pace and helps you along the path, always willing to go through each struggle with you. And, when you are tired of being on the path, he is also at your side until you’re ready to proceed when and if you choose to do so. I feel very blessed that we were teamed up with him as I really don’t think our lives would be as good as they are now without the time we have spent with Brian.

Not all counselors are alike, Brian is a very compassionate guide who will walk through this journey with you, at your pace, in your time.